Sexual Education
by Jate Tarris
Summary: Mikado has always hated sex ed, and now he has given Kida a reason to as well. Crack, A tiny bit of Mikida.


_I don't own Durarara! Or any of the characters that may appear here~_

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><p><em>Just don't look up!<em>

Mikado sat there, fidgeting uncomfortably as he stared at the back of the chair in front of him. Why did he have to come to school today? No, why did someone forget to inform him that today was…

"Sorry boys just hold on a second, lost my penis!"

Sex Ed.

Mikado went as red as a tomato as the words left the nurses mouth. How could she even say such a thing! He was just glad that they had split up the boys and the girls for this. He snuck a glance at his best friend who was sitting beside him. Kida couldn't look happier; Mikado almost swore that his eyes were sparkling. The blond wore a goofy grin as he watched whatever that woman was doing up the front. Actually, Mikado couldn't deny the fact he was just a little bit curious…

The raven-haired boy cautiously lifted up his head, expecting to see the worst. His blue eyes avoided all the diagrams and props that decorated the whiteboards and the floor, just focusing on what was in the nurse's hand.

A banana.

Why on earth was she holding a banana? Mikado raised an eyebrow as she waved the yellow curved fruit around in her hand, talking about things he would suppress later. She bent down and pulled a small box out of her bag.

"Now, how about we learn how to put a condom on okay~? First I'll just take the lid off of this…"

The nurse put the small box down on the table and started twisting the skin of the banana. The top of the banana came off with an audible _pop _and the sight as to what was hiding beneath the yellow skin of that fruit made Mikado's eyes widen in horror. It was a plastic cock. She had a plastic cock in her hand, just waving it around as if it were a piece of chalk.

Mikado snapped his head down, accidentally head butting the boy sitting in front of him on his way.

"S-sorry" he stuttered as the other boy turned around and glared at him before turning his attention back to the front.

Kida looked down at his flustered friend and tried not to burst into a fit of laughter. Mikado always was shy about this sort of stuff. He remembered the first time he had told him about sex. The boy had fainted right there and then! He was just glad that he wasn't _that_ shy about it anymore. The blond turned his attention back to the front and smirked. The nurse was currently showing everyone how to put a condom on, he scoffed.

"Miss please," Kida said, rising from his seat "I think I know how to put on a condom. I mean, I have been doing it since I was ten years old~"

Mikado looked up at his friend with panic-stricken eyes. What was Kida doing! No normal human being would believe such a lie! He heard a few people around the room snicker and whispers of _'yeah right' _could be heard traveling from person to person. The nurse raised an eyebrow and smiled.

"Well then Kida, if you are so confident why don't you come and show us how it's done?"

"With pleasure."

Kida winked at Mikado before weaving his way through the many chairs up to the front of the room. He grabbed the "banana" from the nurse and waved it around in the air a few times like he would a sword. A few boys around the room cheered as the blond ripped open the condom packet with his teeth, pulling the actual condom out. He placed the tip at the top of the plastic cock and rolled it down until it reached the bottom. Kida handed it back to the nurse, a massive grin on his face.

"See Miss, like an expert~"

"Well Kida," The nurse began, smirking, "I can find at least two things wrong with this."

"What!" Kida replied in shock, "surely you are mistaken!"

"Well, number one, you didn't leave any room at the top so when you ejaculate you are going to break the condom. Number two, it's on inside out."

The whole class erupted into a fit of laughter as Kida walked back to his seat. He sat down next to Mikado who was shaking his head at him.

"Win some lose some right?" Kida sighed, elbowing the blue-eyed boy lightly in the ribs.

Mikado just turned his head back down to the floor and muttered something along the lines of _'as if this class couldn't get anymore embarrassing…' _

"Now to finish," the nurse said as she packed away some of her props, "does anyone have any questions?"

The room remained silent, much to the relief of Mikado. He just wanted to run home and forget this class ever happened. He froze when he heard Kida fidget beside him, his arm shooting right into the air. No… Anyone but Kida! Knowing him he was bound to ask some stupid question, and he was right…

"Yes Kida?" The nurse sighed as she sat on the nearby table.

"I just have one quick question Miss, how do girls masturbate?"

Mikado's jaw dropped as the words left Kida's mouth. D-did he really just say that! The raven-haired boy went bright red as images of girls pleasuring themselves entered his mind.

A-Anri…

With that thought Mikado was gone. He slumped forward onto the boy sitting in front of him, his body jerking around as if he was having a seizure. The boy jumped up, frightened by the spasming that was occurring on his back, causing Mikado to fall sideways and right into Kida's lap. Kida screamed like a girl as Mikado's head flopped around in his lap, causing his body to react in a very unwanted way. It wasn't his fault that his friend's head happened to be practically vibrating on his crotch! The nurse rushed over to where Mikado was and pulled him out of Kida's lap.

"Someone call an ambulance!"

Kida and Anri watched as Mikado was rushed out of the school on a stretcher and placed in the back of the ambulance. Anri waved the car goodbye as it sped off into the distance, sirens blaring. The blond sighed as he turned to walk home, Anri waiting a few seconds before following him. The two walked in uncomfortable silence for a little while, not really knowing what to say to one another.

"So" Anri said, her voice barely audible over the heavy traffic that sped past them, "you seemed to have a lively lesson…"

"Can you believe him!" Kida laughed, "fainting over something as simple as that! I mean, I didn't even get the answer to my question!"

"I heard that people around the school are calling Mikado the 'nut gobbler'."

"Yeah he is going to be stuck with that nickname for a while."

The two walked in silence again, until Anri said something that made Kida's face go red.

"I heard he landed right in your lap Kida…"

"It's not my fault!" Kida screamed, his face bright red, "I'm a teenage boy! Anything will make me hard!"

Anri raised an eyebrow as Kida ran away; she could swear that she could hear him scream out _'don't judge me!' _as he ran into the sunset. She merely shrugged, not giving much thought to his words, and continued on home.

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><p><em>AN:_

_Believe it or not, this story is actually based on a true event. In year 7 at my school, my boyfriend asked that fatal question that caused another boy in my year level to have a seizure in another boys lap. Of course, he claims it was just from heat stroke. So when I heard this story, I could imagine Kida and Mikado in a similar situation. Maybe something even better will happen in this years sex ed, after all the boys have to pretend to give birth~ And yes, our nurse actually does have penises hidden in bananas._

_Thanks for reading and reviews are loved~!_


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